For many people, rest is supposed to feel restorative.
Lying down.
Slowing breathing.
Doing nothing.
But for trauma survivors, rest often feels uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking, or even frightening.
Instead of calm, the body becomes restless.
Thoughts speed up.
Sleep feels shallow or broken.
As Reshie explains in the conversation:
“For a nervous system shaped by threat, stillness doesn’t always mean safety.”
This experience is confusing and often deeply frustrating, especially when people are told that rest is the solution.
Rest Requires a Sense of Safety, Not Just Time Off
Rest is not simply the absence of activity.
True rest requires the nervous system to perceive safety.
For a system that learned to survive by staying alert, slowing down can feel like lowering defences. The body may respond by increasing vigilance rather than relaxing.
As Reshie puts it:
“If the system learned that danger arrives when you stop paying attention, rest feels risky.”
This is why many trauma survivors feel more anxious at night, on weekends, or during holidays when external demands drop away.
Why Stillness Activates the Nervous System
In trauma, survival often depended on readiness.
Being alert.
Listening closely.
Staying prepared.
When the body finally stops moving, sensations and emotions that were previously overridden can surface.
As Reshie explains:
“When movement stops, the system finally has space to feel what it’s been holding.”
This is why rest can trigger:
- Racing thoughts
- Physical agitation
- Sudden anxiety
- Emotional flooding
- Difficulty sleeping
These reactions are not signs of failure. They are signs of a system unused to stillness.
Hyperarousal Makes Rest Feel Impossible
For many people, rest activates hyperarousal rather than calming it.
The body feels wired.
Muscles remain tense.
Sleep stays light.
These patterns are explored further in hyperarousal and sleep, where rest is understood as a state the nervous system must learn, not a switch that can be flipped.
As Reshie notes:
“A system that’s been on guard for years doesn’t power down on command.”
This is also why rest may improve slowly, rather than suddenly, as regulation deepens.
Why Relaxation Techniques Can Backfire
Many trauma survivors are encouraged to practise relaxation or mindfulness to help them rest.
While well-intentioned, these approaches can feel destabilising when the nervous system is not ready.
As Reshie explains:
“Relaxation asks the system to let go before it knows it’s safe to.”
This is why why mindfulness alone often fails trauma survivors resonates so strongly. Awareness without regulation can increase threat rather than reduce it.
Similarly, why relaxation feels unsafe for trauma survivors explains why calm states can paradoxically trigger anxiety when safety has not been established first.
Rest Must Be Reintroduced Gradually
For trauma survivors, rest is not achieved by forcing stillness.
It is rebuilt gradually through experiences of safety.
This process mirrors how capacity grows within the window of tolerance. The system learns, in small steps, that slowing down does not lead to danger.
As Reshie explains:
“We don’t ask the system to collapse into rest. We help it learn how to soften.”
This might include:
- Gentle movement before stillness
- Resting with eyes open
- Short periods of pause rather than long ones
- Orienting to the environment while lying down
Each successful experience teaches the body that rest can be survived.
Rest Is a Skill the Nervous System Learns
Rest is not a personality trait.
It is a nervous system skill.
As Reshie puts it:
“Rest comes after safety, not before it.”
As regulation improves, rest slowly becomes more accessible. Sleep deepens. Pauses feel less threatening. Stillness becomes neutral, then restorative.
This shift does not happen all at once. It unfolds as the nervous system learns that it no longer has to work so hard to stay safe.
Watch the Full Conversation
This article is drawn from the same in-depth conversation between Reshie and Katrina, where they explore why rest often feels unsafe after trauma, and how safety must come before relaxation.
To hear these ideas explained with clinical clarity and lived experience, watch the full conversation below.