For many trauma survivors, recovery is often imagined as the process of eliminating stress and removing every potential trigger. The belief is simple: if I can avoid what hurts me, then I will finally be safe. While understandable, this approach misunderstands both the brain and the body.
Life is unpredictable. Stress, conflict, and painful reminders are woven into everyday existence. No matter how carefully we try to control our environment, “shit happens.” This is not a flippant statement, it is a clinical truth. According to trauma clinician Reshie Joseph, resilience is not about avoiding stressors but about learning to respond to them in ways that strengthen, rather than weaken, our capacity to live fully.
This perspective forms what he calls the “Shit Happens” model of trauma recovery. Instead of chasing a world free of stress, the model invites survivors to build the resilience required to thrive in an unpredictable reality. For a broader context on how trauma shapes the mind and body, you can also read our overview on Psychological Trauma.
Why Stress and Triggers Cannot Be Eliminated
Avoidance feels safe, but it backfires
Avoidance is a natural survival instinct. If something feels threatening, the body and mind push us to stay away. In trauma recovery, however, this strategy has serious drawbacks. Research consistently shows that avoidance behaviours are one of the strongest predictors of persistent PTSD symptoms . The National Center for PTSD notes that avoidance interferes with natural recovery, reinforcing trauma memories instead of allowing them to be integrated .
When survivors avoid triggers, they may feel safe temporarily, but long term the avoidance strengthens fear pathways in the brain. It signals that trauma remains central to identity, which is associated with worse outcomes over time. We discuss this in detail in our dedicated article on Avoidance in PTSD.
The impracticality of a trigger-free life
Triggers can be internal, such as memories, emotions, or physical sensations, or external, such as places, sounds, or anniversaries . Because triggers are unpredictable and often subtle, it is impossible to eliminate them all.
Studies confirm that even seemingly harmless sensory experiences can bring back traumatic memories. For example, Javanbakht & Albery (2022) found that ordinary cues like smells, sounds, or seasonal changes can activate trauma responses in daily life. This demonstrates why a stress-free life is not realistic, and why survivors must instead build capacity to face inevitable stressors.
To learn more about how these reactions manifest in symptoms such as intrusive flashbacks, you can also see our article on Intrusive Memories in PTSD.
The Core Idea of the “Shit Happens” Model
The “Shit Happens” model challenges the myth that recovery is about control. According to Reshie Joseph, triggers cannot be eradicated, and stressors will always exist. Instead of trying to eliminate them, recovery means mastering how we respond when they inevitably occur.
This approach reframes resilience as adaptation, not avoidance. Stress is no longer seen as a signal of danger but as an opportunity to regulate the nervous system, build coping skills, and strengthen psychological flexibility.
In this model, “shit happens” is not resignation. It is a reminder that freedom comes when triggers no longer control us, because we have learned how to regulate and respond.
The Six Pillars of Trauma Resilience
At the heart of the “Shit Happens” model is a structured framework called the Six Pillars of Trauma Recovery. These pillars capture the different areas where survivors can build capacity, break maladaptive cycles, and restore balance.
1. Regulating the Nervous System
Trauma leaves the autonomic nervous system (ANS) and hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis on high alert. Survivors often live in states of hyperarousal, freeze, or collapse. Neuroscience research confirms that dysregulation of these systems is central to PTSD symptom clusters such as re-experiencing and hyperarousal . We describe these clusters in more detail in our article Understanding PTSD: Re-experiencing, Emotional Numbing, and Hyperarousal.
Resilience begins with tools that calm the body, such as breathwork, grounding, mindfulness, and somatic therapies.
2. Rewiring Cognitive and Belief Patterns
Trauma often warps the way survivors see themselves and the world. Beliefs like “I am unsafe” or “I cannot cope” perpetuate fear. Through approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), these distorted thoughts can be challenged and reframed, creating healthier mental pathways for resilience.
3. Healing Relational Dynamics
Trauma can disrupt trust, attachment, and the ability to feel safe in relationships. Survivors may isolate themselves or repeat destructive patterns. Recovery requires rebuilding relational capacity — learning how to set boundaries, trust others, and engage in supportive connections that buffer against stress.
4. Developing Adaptive Behaviours
When trauma responses dominate, survivors may fall into maladaptive behaviours such as substance use, compulsive avoidance, or self-sabotage. Substance abuse is a common attempt to quiet intrusive thoughts, but it creates a destructive cycle of avoidance and dependency.
Resilience grows when maladaptive patterns are replaced with healthier outlets such as expressive writing, physical activity, or creative expression.
5. Building Physical Resilience and Energy Capacity
Trauma is not just psychological; it depletes the body. Fatigue, insomnia, muscle tension, and somatic symptoms are common. Strengthening physical resilience through rest, exercise, balanced nutrition, and body-based therapies improves energy capacity and supports the nervous system’s ability to recover.
6. Expanding Psychological Flexibility and Meaning-Making
True resilience requires more than symptom reduction. Survivors benefit from cultivating psychological flexibility, the ability to adapt to change, accept discomfort, and still move toward valued goals. Meaning-making — finding growth, purpose, or transformation in the aftermath of trauma — allows individuals not only to recover but also to transcend.
Why This Model Matters for Recovery
The “Shit Happens” model is not about giving up on safety. Instead, it is about creating realistic resilience. Survivors learn that while triggers and stress cannot be prevented, they can be navigated without collapse.
This shift has powerful implications:
- Survivors regain agency by focusing on what they can control — their responses.
- Relationships improve as expectations of a “trigger-free” world are replaced with mutual understanding and support.
- Maladaptive behaviours give way to healthier coping strategies.
- The nervous system adapts, gradually reducing the intensity of trauma responses .
We expand on how clinicians identify and treat these patterns in our resource Diagnosis and Treatment of Psychological Trauma.
Reshie Joseph at NCPC Singapore 2025
In October 2025, Reshie Joseph from Living Free will join the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Conference (NCPC) in Singapore. He will present his clinical framework, including the “Shit Happens” model, and explain how resilience can be developed through mastery of six key pillars.
This participation highlights Living Free’s commitment to advancing trauma recovery approaches, while also providing an international platform to share evidence-based practices. Even beyond the conference, the principles remain highly relevant to anyone working toward trauma resilience.
For related insights, see also our article Breaking Stigmas in Trauma Recovery: NCPC Singapore 2025.
Living Free’s Approach
At Living Free, we integrate the “Shit Happens” model into our therapeutic work. Through psychotherapy, somatic coaching, behavioural psychology, and structured resilience practices, we guide clients through each of the six pillars.
Our approach combines evidence-based therapies, such as CBT and EMDR, with holistic practices like mindfulness and relational healing. By teaching skills and building capacity, we help survivors break free from avoidance and embrace resilience.
Life will always bring stressors. Triggers will appear without warning. “Shit happens.” But this reality does not mean trauma has to control your life.
The “Shit Happens” model of trauma recovery reframes resilience as mastery of response, not elimination of stress. By strengthening the six pillars — nervous system regulation, cognition, relationships, behaviour, physical resilience, and meaning-making — survivors build the capacity to face life’s unpredictability with strength and hope.
At Living Free, we believe this is the essence of recovery: not a world without stress, but a life where stress no longer defines you.
To see how trauma symptoms can sometimes overlap with other conditions, you can also read our guide Trauma vs Bipolar Disorder: Why Misdiagnosis Happens.