One of the most confusing aspects of trauma is how differently it shows up from person to person.
Two people may experience similar events, yet one develops panic attacks while the other feels emotionally numb. One becomes hyper-alert and reactive. Another shuts down, disconnects, or feels nothing at all.
As Reshie says in the conversation:
“People often think trauma should look a certain way. But the nervous system doesn’t follow rules like that.”
This difference often leads people to doubt themselves.
They ask questions like:
“Why am I still affected when others seem fine?”
“Why doesn’t my reaction make sense?”
“Why do I feel this way when nothing ‘that bad’ happened?”
The answer lies in how the nervous system adapts, not in the severity of the event.
Trauma Is a Nervous System Experience, Not a Personality Trait
Trauma is not a fixed condition and it is not a character flaw.
It is a set of adaptations made by the nervous system in response to threat, stress, or overwhelm.
As Reshie explains:
“Trauma is about how the nervous system had to reorganise itself to survive.”
These adaptations are shaped by many factors, including age at the time of the experience, repetition of stress, available support, and the system’s capacity at that moment.
Because no two nervous systems have the same history, trauma will never look identical across people.
Survival Responses Take Different Forms
When the nervous system detects threat, it shifts into survival mode. But survival does not look the same for everyone.
Some systems move toward high activation, such as anxiety, hypervigilance, or reactivity.
Others move toward shutdown, such as numbness, disconnection, or collapse.
As Reshie puts it:
“One nervous system speeds up to stay safe. Another slows everything down. Both are doing their best.”
Both patterns are intelligent responses. Neither is a failure.
Why the Same Experience Can Create Different Outcomes
People often assume trauma responses should match the event. When they do not, shame follows.
But as Reshie explains in the conversation:
“It’s not about how big the event was. It’s about how much capacity the system had when it happened.”
This is why trauma cannot be understood by comparison. It must be understood in context.
Why Healing Must Be Individualised
Because trauma lives in the nervous system, healing must work with that system directly.
As Reshie says:
“Healing isn’t about pushing the system. It’s about listening to what it can tolerate.”
This is why Living Free focuses on individual psychotherapy tailored to your nervous system, where pacing, safety, and responsiveness matter more than technique.
Assessment Is About Understanding, Not Labelling
Assessment in trauma work is not about putting people into boxes.
As Reshie explains:
“A good assessment doesn’t tell you what’s wrong with you. It helps you understand what your system has been carrying.”
Understanding how trauma is assessed and treated clinically often brings relief, because it replaces self-blame with clarity.
Trauma Responses Are Contextual, Not Permanent
Trauma responses are not who you are.
They are how your system learned to survive.
“When the nervous system no longer has to work so hard to stay safe,” Reshie says, “it can begin to soften.”
Watch the Full Conversation
This article is drawn from a longer clinical conversation between Reshie and Katrina, where they explore why trauma looks different in every person, using lived experience, metaphors, and real therapeutic insight.
To hear these explanations unfold naturally, and to understand how they shape Living Free’s approach to trauma recovery, watch the full conversation below.